Authority at Innocence



“Papa, I want Chakri and Aranrdana”



“I don’t want fuljhari”



There was no doubt in my mind that Fuljharis are for girls. They appear dumb to be begin with and there is not much one can do and have fun while lighting them. No excitement, no fun, just Fuljhari. So I made a humble request to my father. Knowing for a limited budget of Rs 15 to 20, I selected Chakri and Anardana based on my friends suggestion. I knew that asking for bigger crackers like Rockets and Diwalphoria was out of my reach; not because I wanted to have them but because of the resistance that might come in my way to get them—by my elder brother. I settled down for Chakri and Anardana because I was sure to get them-a hollow confidence!



Papa was numb on my request. Assured me without a word by tilting his neck.



My friends words were resonating that I should go for what I could get. Ask nothing more to get in trouble, or else, I may end up with nothing. This was a cautionary approach so I decided this Deepawali cracking Chakri and Anardana would be cool and I should get them.



“No you won't and you should not” interjected by my elder brother. Leaving his authority in a rejection tone and displaying his chance on coolest thing to play with. It was after all in his own interest; deny me and have them.



“Why not” I protested with full resolve and thought there goes my Chakri



“ You are too young and Chakri is not for kids like you”. “ you may get burned and besides Anardana might blow up on your face” he unloaded factual arguments. Children cannot be familiar with the danger involved and cannot take action properly in case of an emergency, he thought.



“No It won’t. I am elder enough to play with and I sit in 3rd class”. An unshakable confidence and dispelling answer trying to shake his superior authority for allowing him to have coolest crackers in town.



“ I sit in 5th class” he encountered me with the logic.



“So what” I said



Father was quietly listening this conversation and fired the shot



“ I have Rs. 20 only for crackers and when the Dada (cracker seller) comes, you both can decide then” No fighting. Period.



Not settled I thought, start crying, helplessly looked at my mother directly showing her the first hand evidence of being bullied by elder brother. Confused as she was but signaled an obvious tilt toward younger (me) and asked my brother to leave me alone.



“Ok, I will let him use only one Chakri and one Anardana” brother started spinning. In other words; rest is mine!



“ I will light the fire and he can watch” " this is for his safety and besides he is too young”. I knew then where he is going. I could see clearly his own interest of having all the cool crackers.



“Make sense” father said. It was a balanced and safe for both parents. They agreed!



I thought helpless with no choice but to surrender. What a give up!



Next day, Dada came with crackers in his Daliya (a basket to carry crackers). Kids from the neighborhood gathered to see new items that may be cool to crack. We got our crackers and went home eagerly waiting for twilight so that we could start having fun.



“Let’s get started with tickly”, (a tiny strip of gun-powder coated and wrapped on the paper that makes fire sound if pressed by an object) I said.



“No, first let the pooja finished” brother again sounded elderly. We should not light crackers before pooja. He said.



“Ok”, I conceded “ but can you please at least let me light one Chakri and one Anardana?. I requested softly.



“Ok if you trade Anardana then its fine with me.” still sounding authoritative!



“All right” I said knowing that I had successfully twirled him and won the game. Nevertheless, I doubted.



Suddenly, a huge cry heard in my neighborhood. A kid got burned his finger while lighting the fuljhari. His mother rushed to pacify him and the moment was stalled. Parents blamed each other and decided not to let him proceed further for rest of the crackers. Knowing that he may miss the fun part, the kid got slipped in our front yard and start watching our "the man" show.



“Watch, how I light the Chakri” I said to him while displaying my braveness.



“Just watch, Ok” I said



“ Be careful” he said.



“ I will”



My bother watching a few feet away came and handed over a long stick that can light the fire from a distance.



“ Go ahead light the Chakri”- brother erupted with his confident voice.



My hand was shaking, legs were vacillating, I slowly tried with fear of burn while trying to light the Chakri with no success. Again and again! Nervous!



“ Don’t you worry, I am watching you” brother said “ go ahead and light it”,



I did. Smiled on me.



Mother smiled from watching behind.

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DR. Shashikant sharma
Monday, November, 15, 2008 during Diwali in India